Going to bed knowing things are different

So coming home was a very weird night trying to remember everything I got told. It was a struggle.

The Following day went in with my mum, her armed with a note book me having eaten lunch so to not make the mistake of the day before.  So I had two appointment, the pre surgery meeting and talking to the specialist. So when I went in to talk to the specialist, he said what I knew for a very long time it was cancer. He also then explained I was also technically pregnant, which definitely lifted the tension in the room a bit.

My blood had the same markers as someone who was recently pregnant. To put it simply, what was in my body to the best of my knowledge was acting like a very early foestus. (IF I AM HORRIBLY MISTAKEN MY APOLOGISES :D)

I again unsurprisingly, had to go ooh natural from the waist down. The specialist on first examining the testicle first statement was “well there no doubt there then” my mum couldn’t stop laughing.  Once I had regained my modesty, the serious chat began. The specialist complemented me on my great timing of  getting cancer during the easter holidays. Never been prouder of myself ;).

He then went on to outline the fact chimo was going to happen, even if the removal of my right testicle worked in regards to removing the blood marker and there was nothing to be seen in a scan, I would have one dose just to make sure.

However if it didn’t work then I would need between three to four dose of heavy chimo and would suffer everything I knew was associated with that.  Yes ………….

I think even while I write this and only recently having researched all the side effects and rules I have to adhere to under chimo. I am still not mentally prepared for it. Mainly my hair my poor beautiful hair ;)  He also offered me the opportunity to have a fake testicle put in.

Now saying nothing against men who have them, but the idea of having a ball sack where one side drupped was not appealing.  After finishing with the specialist and choosing to not ask for a copy of the ultra sound of my right testicle for the memories, I went on to seeing the pre surgery nursey.  After complementing me on being one of the healthiest people, she had seen, she went on to break the bad news that on the day of the surgery I had to stop eating at 7 am. The full fast would begin from 11 am.

So after a long couple of hours , I went home knowing I had cancer, knowing I was going to have one ball for the rest of my life, knowing I might  have to lose my hair, and also knowing this could stop me from graduating in June, knowing this could affect my ability to have a family in future. Also wondering how exactly I was going to tell people. Having to tell my girlfriend I was not going back with her to Belfast was not fun. It is a strange  thing at 21 to realise  

Yep this is one of those moment that my life is different than when I woke up that morning 

Yer I have had better evenings.

If you have made it this far thanks, my next post will be the big one its self. SURGREY. 

Also a big thank you to the specialist Nurse paul. He not only told me I was only one of 160 men that he saw a year. Yes I felt so special. But who covers all testicular cancer cases in Birmingham. He has been a great help to me and my mum.