Going forward

So before being put on the sofa for the next two weeks I was lucky enough to get a final trip to freedom Sheffield.  I was heading up there for a day and a bit to go and see some friends, from university, from back at school and my girlfriend’s best friend. Ana  adam Mary kylie thanks for finding time.

You may not be surprised to hear whilst i am technically cancer free and looking forward to getting chemo out of the way I am not quite as fitting  fit, as I would like. My throat feels quite weird,  my chest doesn't feel amazing  and i am getting headaches.  So perfect chemo conditions.

So whilst I know there where many cool places in Sheffield, the trip was a bit of a world wind, of dark rooms and alcohol.  I did say I was looking for the authentic student experience. On Friday me and Mary went to the Cruzon threatre which is a lovely chain of cinemas mainly based in London, but has chosen   Sheffield for its northern expansion, to see our kind of traitor.

Early one Friday morning, once I got of the bus in Sheffield I got the news I only had one round of chemo. Which of course is fantastic news and means I will be able to get back to my “normal” life, but as the above suggests I am not physically feeling great at the moment. But I don’t think anything is related, so aren’t I just a lucky bloke.

So Friday evening I grabbed a drink with my girlfriend’s best friend, and her boyfriend for a fantastic chat. Often around new people I almost feel awkward dropping the word on them, but around people who know ahead of time then I can go for hours. It is quite interesting for me to be able to have these conversation, because having people directly question how it has affected my life helps me really puts what happens to me into perspective.

One of the questions or statements lets say, that was asked of me was it must have changed your perspective. I, being me for those who know me well, try to pretend that it hasn’t changed my life. Because sometimes in life doesn’t we all want to be unique and show we are different to the norm.   But if I am being truthful to myself it has. Because unfortunately you or more precisely I have not grown to appreciate a problem or diseases like this until you have had to deal with it.  

A very close friend of mine unfortunately has had to in her own unique way taken the journey I am just beginning. Early last year she was sexually assaulted, and rather than disappearing from the face of the earth, which she had every right to do. She has instead began to campaign on this issue in so many inspiring ways. She has had to deal with a great more than I have with this disease, and what she has done deserves a great more praise than anything I have gotten for how I am coping with cancer.

So whilst at this point I don't really know how I can try to emulate her inspiring approach, her example to me really means,  If I don’t do something I am wasting an opportunity to make an impact on people in the future who might be effected by this problem.  We don’t choice these issues, to have a first hand perspective on them. We also don't look for them to be what defines us in the eyes of other. But at the same time we choice to try and make it something that we want to help change. 

Tomorrow morning I hopefully will get a phone call at 8-9am, which means I can start chemo and don't have to kill the day.  Despite the fact I am in the  teenage ward, if there is a spare bed in the NHS it won't stay their for long.

Ever since the day I was born, and I was brain dead for one minute, I guess in a weird way I have continued to live on borrowed time. This new near death experience is no different, to how I have approached everything that has hit me before. Except this time I have a new platform, and hopefully I can make a bigger impact to those effected by Cancer.