Take the good with the bad

So over the last couple of days we(me and Alicia) have been able just to take some time and relax and hopefully re gain our health, has allowed us and me to think a little bit.  It has been extremely difficult thing is trying to continue some kind of normality in a relationship, where you keep seeing each other off at airports.

The frustrating thing is that often you kind of look to find some kind of normality in the relationship, and get back to some kind of normal life you wished that you were able to have.  Because the tough thing about this,is that a relationship is just that between two people, so trying to get back to some kind of normality is difficult, if you partner or myself may still feel like this is an odd time

We have been dating for over a year and half and unfortunately we have spent about 9 months of that time apart. 

Whilst in reality this means it will maybe only a month or  6 months, but my last year had very much been leading up to enjoying some sense of stability in my life, with my girlfriend by my side.   Pushing my schedule down the line does not really relate to my relationship, just when you think your long distance struggles are coming to an end, to have them extended again is about as depressing as I have felt in a while.

We are both at a point where we are coming to “real life”, and we thankfully both have dreams and both have aims and I don’t think either of us should be expected to change our life at the age of  21.

Coffee has continuously though out my university experience been a great way to just stop and  think and catch up with people who are my friends but I don’t have the time to see. So Monday I  got Alicia to a good friend of mine throughout my seven years of school, but also it was nice to us to be able to talk to people who were not my parents or just each other. 

I was able to get a few things done before Alicia head back to Belfast. One of the thing I enjoyed, was being to show her around my old school and give her some idea of the place which shaped me for 7 years. But also to show her what I school that does not have its own field look like.

Yesterday my Guardian article, got published and of course it is something I should celebrate the exposure it gives to me personal to become more of a voice on this issue, and today I may be involved with a MacMillian project. Some one reached out to me over facebook after reading the article to see if I would be interested in getting involved. Reading the comments I also noticed some comments had been deleted, so yaya I got trolled feel some important, that someone would take time to troll me. 

But also I hope it can help other people going through dealing with the disease at mine or similar age to me.  However I am going too be completely honest and for anyone who has written anything for a published newspaper magazine etc, which are editors.

What you read was to some extent my voice but it really wasn’t. I hope you can appreciate from reading my blog that some of the grammar and structural issues which were in that piece I don’t do. I have dyslexica, and having to work on my ability to write as been a constant struggle in my life. So I hope you can appreciate my frustration when people are reading something they believed I put together, which is not great.  In addition I am at a point in my life, when I am applying for jobs when people  google search me and see the style of that article I don’t think it sells my writing ability well.

Also whilst I can appreciate from a larger perspective that being a white male heterosexual student in the real world is one of the most care free existences in this country,However a few things. 

   

But unfortunately I would not consider myself that, and if you know me well and have over the last few years hopefully will appreciate that, what that word suggests, lazy uninvolved, having an easy life, coasting is not how I would describe my “student experience”. Excluding all of the normal stress and strain of being a undergraduate, being someone who is dyslexic studying a word based subject is a struggle. I am also autistic, so whilst all of my concerns are in my own head, still doesn't make them any less of a constant. 

So Alicia headed back to her new normal in Belfast, with a lot of time and I am praying a ton of opportunities ahead of her. I have probably put this before, but I am not comfortable with the fact Good byes are our normal, no one even cried this time. 

This disease has opened up a lot of door, for me to help others where I can. I have always tried to help where I can and hopefully the opportunities opening up to me will help me do that in a new realm. However if I had to choose I would prefer to that I didn't have any of it, just for some chance back at normality. 

Thank you again for reading.