Friday, 6 May 2016

Any news is no news

Whilst being isolated from the normality of student life is really depressing, being able whilst I still can to travel is a great and healthy change for me and my family.  One of the best thing about being able to get up to Edinburgh, is being able to see my grandmother and her husband.  Not only because she is a great laugh, but also because in an amazing city like Edinburgh, everything you want to is visit within walking distance.

After a relatively uneventful first day, during the night we meet up for a couple of drinks with a friend of mine from down the end of the road. It was great for me and Alicia to be able to talk about the last month or two for both of us, as well as talk about the difficult toll the last year has taken for both of us.

Also thank you Rohanie for showing me and Alicia, Edinburgh students can have perspective about what people think, and often have evidences to support,  the perception that student come here don’t really understand the real world. 

On the 4th on my second day in Edinburgh, a couple of things happened which made it into a very long day.  In the morning after breakfast me and Alicia got a photo shoot done which my grandmother paid for.  Whilst it was a lovely experience it was also something that we did spend a lot of the time laughing through.

There was also the inevitable question when you spend 40 minutes with someone and you tell them you are a student, why are you here.  Again unfortunately whilst I say again and again about how public I am happy to be open about my current situation, I also know when not to make a situation feel uncomfortable for me.

Because I could have told him and he might have not batted an eye lid, I think that’s one of the odd things I have found about this, that I am almost more conditioned to feel awkward saying it for other people. For me this is simply because of the association that the word comes with. Despite the fact I have had many incidences where I have been around people who I thought didn’t know, did know and treated me absolutely no different.   

The other big news of the day which came as we where looking around a interesting art exhibition called Summer hall, was that I got my blood results back. I got the all clear.

Whilst this is obviously fantastic news, but I continue to not really feel anything.  Frustratingly the last couple of weeks have taken its tool, my head still hurts and I still feel like crap, you don’t really feel like celebrating when you are still in pain. In addition I am still getting chemotherapy and I knew that I would be getting at least one round no matter what me blood result is.

 In addition my head  which continues to be a concerned of mine, is frustrating because I really don’t know  what it means.  When you are seriously questioning whether or not you have a brain tumour is unfortunately a new normal that currently I am at 50% of being true till chemo.  In the afternoon in addition to the visit in the morning we went to the filmhouse cinema is an amazing independent cinema,  we went to go see  a film called our little sister from Japan.

Day 3 In Edinburgh whilst originally being planned as a busy day of activities turned out to be a little less so.  Unfortunately Alicia has picked up/ developed some kind cold. That has been the most difficult thing about the last two weeks is that both of us have had to deal with  a lot of uncertainty and stress.

Unsurprisingly that has led us to feeling like absolute crap. So instead we settled for a day of staying around the university, judging if we had anything better at Queens. Unfortunately outside of the library they pretty much have us beat. Well apart from the fact we went to see the results of our photo shoot of the day before, and wow. Some of them where actually not to bad, but some of them will never be seen in the light of day. The weirdest thing about looking at the photos, was that it was set up with a large sofa and a big screen rather than simply looking at the photos.  In the evening we went out for a lovely dinner which allowed my grandmother to continue to inform Alicia of all the funny and  embracing things that me and my brothers did when we were younger.

So my next blog will be me in someway getting back to normality before chemo begin.  

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