Tuesday, 3 May 2016

Count down begins

Friday was my final day of sympathy coffees, and seeing people for one last time before I go through therapy. Friday night before going for drinks me, alicia and her best friend ana who has been visiting for since Wednesday went to a place called Mollies Yard for dinner. Me and Alicia  had been trying to get a table at that place since we had got back to Belfast, so being able to close out my week getting a sample of the Belfast high life was fantastic.

We could also tell they don’t get students in there often, when the waitress asked if we where celebrating something.  Felt like it would have been awkward to go with celebrating the end of my last week because I have cancer. Ana saved the awkward moment by going with celebrating the end of mine and alicias degrees.

Friday night was a small fencing social, which was a nice way to go out getting to catch up and talk with a few people who have known me from the day I walked through the door of the gym during my first week at university to seeing my leave.  That being said it was in a bar with some pretty loud music so we weren't exactly having massive groups chats.

One of the weird things, from that night and a few others that week,  was to be in a  social setting and to find and often remember the fact that you are not the centre of attention, of everyone's attention.  Because it is important, and I am getting better at this, at having perspective on the fact yes your life sucks at the moment but everyone still I hope have a pretty good life they are going to talk about.  Also who wants to talk to the cancer guys  when you can talk to someone else. 

But anyway Saturday pretty much came and went really apart from getting a really fantastic breakfast at a cafĂ© called black bear on the stranmillis road the highlight. Saturday night  was fantastic, for me and Alicia to get to reconnect and catch up with two of her old house mates. I know this is a common theme of this blog, but when  you can take the  time to just let the conversation follow, enjoy it because unfortunately it is not  something we do often enough.

Going back to Brum was not as difficult a trip I thought I would be. I think the fact I managed to get my last boojum helped the transition.  Bank holiday me and Alicia joined my mum having the joy of getting a dressing gown and slippers sorted.  This might surprise you but despite having cancer my mum was not prepared to get my the 50 pound David Gandhi silk dressing gown. I was heartbroken.
The other item we had to get sorted was body washing stuff. As my skin is going to become weaker I am going to need to be using stuff, for people with sensitive skin babies.  One of the realisation I did have whilst we were out was really wondering what kind of kids am I going to be around in the ward, I am probably going to get to know people whos cancer might be terminal.

Whilst I am scared  of what my future might be, I hope  I am as aware as possible that whilst this is a difficult condition that has messed up my life, it is only in the short term and I have a 95% survival rate that I am going to hold  on to. Hopefully I can be of some help to people  who are in a worst place as me, because as  I say often if I can help I will. 

So Tuesday whilst I never thought it was going to be a complicated day you  can be the judge of that. Me and Alicia had a 1:05 flight out of Birmingham to Edinburgh, but before that I  had  to get more blood taken and do a sperm donation.

This tight schedule meant Alicia got to join me in the cancer centre lucky her right.  
It was also useful having her there because I had to go and give my sperm sample, at the Birmingham Women’s hospital. There was a strange irony on two grounds, firstly returning to the place which brought me into the world.  Secondly I and Alicia have now gone into two women hospitals in under a year.

Thankfully before we went in to discuss it with the nurse, we both decided that if I was to die the Alicia would not get my sperm to have my children after I die. By the way we had to have this conversation because people have done that.

It was also made clear to me, that I would not be able to give my sperm to my brother. Again people have done this.  So yes I know what you all want to know about, how a man goes about giving a sample. However I will spare you the details and just state, that I was supplied with a binder of lamented material, to help the process along.

You’ll be glad to know the process did not take too long.  

So I am currently in Edinburgh looking forward to a couple of days in newish surroundings,  getting  some culture and hoping  this cold I have been dealing with, from the stress of last week.

Thankyou for all the feedback, hope you guys are stilling enjoying this. 

1 comment:

  1. I'm an old school friend of your Mum's and I just wanted to say well done for posting this diary. It deserves a far wider readership. Thank you for sharing.