Saturday, 28 May 2016

Chemo Part 2

So now that I am back home I want to try and get across exactly what it feels like “on the outside” as well as a few point about my final days.

So first of all would again like to say a massive Thank you leslie for popping by on Wednesday morning and bringing me some more reading material to keep me focused over the next couple of days.

However in the long term I think I definitely want to make sure I  get across exactly how this experience has effected me, as well as what it is like to be the healthiest of the sick. Because at the end of the day,  on this ward testicular cancer quite rightly is seen by others as just having a common cold. As I wrote about in my previous piece, when you are hearing stories of leukaemia, after still births, you can appreciate why people aren’t to bothered about how things are going with you. They are day to day, you are most definitely are not.  

 As the days go on, I was thankfully able to meet more young people and there families who unfortunately have had to make this unit home from home. As an outside both me and my parents were able to observe, I could definitely appreciate the importance of this unit just to help give families, a sense of community with other families, but also the support staff offered by  Click Sergant and Teenage cancer trust.

Whilst in a small way i wish i could develop the kind of relationship many patients and families have  with the staff, just to try and get that sense of being a part of something.  But at the same time i am of course very grateful i don’t. Wednesday morning was the first and hopefully the only time I ever meet the consolutant who has responsibility for my case. After having not the smoothest night, due in part to circumstances outside of my control, which I thought might lengthen my treatment being told everything that I was feeling, pain strange senseation, chest pain was to be expected. 

Would in normal circumstances be concerning, but when its chemo that just comes with the territory.  On my final night, i think i was out by about 9:30. And boy did i sleep. Any symptoms of thee previous night where pretty much there but manageable.  Work very hard  So Thursday morning, at about 2am my final chemo bag was finished. I then had a much more relaxing 4 hour sleep on cleaning fluids running through my body, then at 6 am ish my bag went off for the final time.  
Freedom is so close haha

Unfortunately there are a great many people who stories i have not heard, simply because in my short time we just haven’t crossed paths. And as I put previously, I  am not really in a  position to try and engage with people when they are at there lowest point.   But yet again i continue to hear motivating stories, that going forward give me much wider perspective when i talk about tackling this in the future.

The thing I think that it’s important to get across about the process I am about to go through, and also to help people have a better understanding of the process of chemo therapy. Strangely enough the hospital bit is probably the easy bit.  Because going forward my treatment, how my body reacts etc and taking care of those reactions are all on me and the family. Whilst in 2 weeks i should be done, this is probably going to be two of the loneliest and longest two weeks of my life. But I will still be on medication until the  end of next week, and  I constantly have to be aware of my temperature
Whilst I might be out  there don’t give you an emergency contact number for no reason.

So at the end of day 1 of freedom this might surprise you I am physically dead. Whilst I guess I feel how I expected to feel, but once you are back home and I don’t want to say everyone is getting back to there life and you are left sitting on your sofa basically waiting for your next round of drugs.
The other weird thing is how physically different  I feel. 

Your body does feel physically different I think it will take some time for me to get re used to what my body looks like without something in my arm, and not having a pumping feeling through my vains. I am also looking forward to the constant ringing in my ears of bells going off at all hours leaving my subconscious.

So yes I am basically failing asleep as I write this just in case you have't guessed. 

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