Wednesday, 25 May 2016

Chemo Pt 1

So the call came early Monday morning, and we had been told previously that once the call came in to head up as early as possible.  But of course once the call came I was hit with the hard reality, that  mums breakfast came first. So we were in no rush.

It was very strange leaving the house, with the same kind of feeling, with the same bags I normally use to get a flight. This was just another strange juxtaposition of many juxtapositions of this experience. So the first thing I did once I got to the end of the long corridor on level six in the QE was getting my bloods taken. Mainly so what ever they did to me might not cause me damage that my bloods suggested.  
We got given a tour, and I am despite having a couple of very long nights, am grateful to being on this nice energectic colour ward than if I was on an adult ward.  So before I was formally checked in I had a quick chat with a Doctor who I had seen for my previous big appointment on April the 20th. Whilst it is of course lovely to see a familiar face, this time not so much. Because when asking about how my academics where coming along, and I mentioned I still had an essay to write, she decided to just mention in passing, that I should probably hurry up because my brain capabilities post chemo might limit my abilities to produce academic essays. It would have been nice for her to mention this a week a month ago but ah well.

So I wasn’t  able to start my treatment for a couple  of ours so we went downstairs to visit one of my mums friend who was currently going through a much worse time than me, and was on the adult ward. Wow it was a massive difference to what I was lucky enough to have up top and am yet again grateful to be young.  The day from once I was set up on my drip was relatively uneventful.  It did give me the opportunity to go and  get talking to, and appreciate the fortuntate situation that I  found my self in.

 A lot of people on the ward have unfortunately been hear a lot longer than me, some people have stories, which began over 10 months ago. But along  with chatting with patients I have also if the opportunity has not been to detrimental to their working time, tried to get to  know the nurses.
 Mainly because of this I  have tried to get across how  fortunate I feel to these people. To some extent hearing these stories first hand, has  only motivated me to continue the approach I have  taken towards this, in trying to work out what will my lane be. So I can  make sure their lives are easier in  the future.

But that is why what I am is very motivating But at the same time, if you can’t appreciate their  subconscious,  not hatred but jealous of you, than your kind of kidding your self. Sure you had cancer, but as with everything in the live the levels are very varied.

So this might surprise you but my first night not the most peaceful.  Beeping noises do drive you fucking nuts.  I Slept about as well as u do. The morning hurts more, buts it meant to, chemo is not really a breeze. The other realisation I did have my first morning, as I was  heading  to read my book privately, I did have to stop myself. Because I will have two weeks to enjoy my books soIo once I am out, so lets not be an anti social git now.  So the slightly frustrating thing I guess about me only being on the  ward a short time, that for the hours I am hocked up to chemo, I  can’t leave the ward. I didn’t think I would feel trapped but on day 3 there it is.

So the slight bright sprak to my morning was having  a chat with Laura from teenage cancer. It was generally fantastic to hear about all the amazing support that the trust offers,  I did  because it is me get in some shameless self promotion, because whilst I can appreciate the fact I am a patient. I also want to make sure that when opportunities present them selves to make some else life easier I take them up on it.

But it was also fantastic to get to just explain who I was, to laura. I continue to find as the years have gone by opening up my life to explain who I am outside of this no matter what the circumstances can really lift your spritis.  So I was waiting with baited breath  for my first visitor on day 2 but was my dad late. How I am a adult with WiFi, lifes not that hard grow up.  The highlest of the day which I  didn’t expect coming in is how much visitor s mean. So a massive thanks for abi and liam and two of my mums closet friends for finding time to visit me.

 One  of the things you learn to appreciate  being the newbie, that not every small buble that gets passed the pump is going to kills you.  And just because you machine is bleeping that also does not mean you are going to die. Also it is a  little frustraing but as is the  nature of the system, that when you  are in trouble there are probably only about 2 out of the 7 members of staff on the ward who can actually do something about. However when its not your machiene just being able to put your headphones in can be bliss.  

In the evening it was really nice to just and sit and mingle in the communial area with the other parents and different  patients, but also gave my parents when they came into visit me the chance to mix with people and just chat. I also want to make a quick shout out, to say that I hope everyone has a similar experience as myself but the NHS nurses who work the most unsocialable hours really are saints.

So just to close off todays one unfortunately, but as I expected I was starting to get side effects probably related to the chemo. That meant, that once a doctors talked these through with me my process as been delayed hopefully only for a few hours but we will see.

 But in addition to that, due to some of the sypmtoms I exhibtied and this is a completely inside (if you have ever worked in an American summer camp), I had to answer a question I always hated asking the kids as part of the evening catch up list. 

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