Tuesday, 19 April 2016

Feeling the distance

So firstly on a medical standpoint, some slight improvements my markers have halved but they have not flattened so not enough to allow them to be able to confident to make an conclusion.

But alongside that there  is also the possibility that the last month the surgery the tests the distance and the waiting, I might have to go through it all again if that second lump which I am praying is a prosthetic, turns out to be a relapse terrifies  me.  Also the guy I spoke to over the phone, looking at the surgical notes could neither confirm nor rule out a surgical mess up, because there was language in the notes which he (because he is not a surgeon according to him) was unfamiliar with.
So great I am either still dying or someone messed up the joys.

So yes you guessed it more blood tests, which hopefully shows my levels are normal and I get to get angry with someone for their incompetence. If it is that, I suspect I will never meet the person, because for anyone who has had the misfortune of going through a type of disease which requires a number of hospital visits, even within the same department you very rarely see the same person twice.

But aside from that I think one of the things that I was least prepared for was the distance.  This kind of builds on what I said yesterday, but for me It really is true in that my life and the women I love is across a sea.

3rd  year is never meant to be  easy, but it really does suck that the best you can do for someone is be on the other end of the phone, when you really want to put two arms around them and tell them it will be fine.  The internet is an amazing this, but their really is very little you can do over email ;)

But in another way distance is not just dependent on geography, but has also affected my interactions with my family and family friends.  One of the most difficult things that I have tried to balance, sometimes successfully sometime not is being empathetic to peoples concern, especially close family members.

Let’s see if I can get across to you my position, I am trying to be appreciative and understand people’s worries, the fact everyone is always going to think about worst case scenario.  It effects in some way, the everyday life I cannot appreciate the difficulty that comes with going to work, knowing there is loved one who everyone keeps asking you about there CANCER.

However what person suffering with a possibly life threatening disease would want to indulge themselves into that line of thinking.  One of the ways I feel like I have got through this experience is yes being realistic and trying to plan for all eventualities, but at the same praying you never have to turn those plans into your reality.

So thankfully today had a nice long  walk, I would say to get  myself back to some kind of level of fitness but  also to just get some fresh air for  a good period of time, nothing quite beats some good power walking.

One of things I am really learn to appreciate as I get older is having the opportunity like I had today, to just go and sit down to talk to someone and just both be able to take stock of how life is going. But not just that just talk about life. So yes thank you joe.

Blood test was nothing special but unlike my first round where I had to wait for about 15 people, this time only 5, small victories right.

Hopefully my next blog will be my final one, but I know better than to really believe that. Either way you lucky people will be getting a video.

But what I do know is that Belfast I will See you guys next week. 

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