Monday, 18 April 2016

Life right

So in order for me to get out the house and to give my parents some peace and quiet I headed to London, for  a couple of day.  So the first thing I did once I got into town  was take a Trip to LSE, after grabbing a coffee with my uncle who works around Victoria station. So I wanted to go to LSE
because in my field outside of you know who LSE is the next big thing, and I wanted to see what might have been(I didn’t apply and wouldn’t have got in but nice to dream right).

So overall I have to say very Underwhelmed, everyone is different and being condition to Queens Campus in a city I have never been a fan of city universities.

Being able to travel and go see things is something I have and will always be grateful for the time and the opportunity to do so. But I think definitely this time round more than anything, my podcast don’t quite feel like  the company they used to.

That is the sad but I guess pretty obvious thing about this disease that in this dead time before treatment begins, I very much am kind of in a weird state of suspended animation.  Everyone’s life’s continue around me whilst I just wake up to days wondering where and how I am going to fill them . But that suspended animation will come to an end .

So day two and my main aim for my trip down was to see the Olympic park. After about an hour getting from south to east London, I made it and it was really quite something, if you can come down to the capital and see the amazing facilities that they have down here.  After a few  more museums I  head round to my gf sisters house, for a lovely risotto, and to be reminded why people my age need to life with 5 other people, when its only meant for  4. (If you haven’t guessed it's rent prices).

This has been a really fun and actually allowed me to get a fair amount sleep, which I didn’t expect. Thank you to Annettee John, Alex, Clive, Christaine, James and Isobel for keeping me company. I am writing this on Friday morning to some extent just counting the hours, until my phone rings and to some extent the next 6 month of my life is decided. So yes little bit nervous, but trying to make myself as mentally prepared for everything.

The other weird thing, it how paranoid, you become every little thing that you noticed before hand, as symptoms, every little thing you think is a sign that its not gone. Also  unfortunately, I have another issue I need to get resolved is I realised last night that I have had prosthetic testicle put in to replace my removed on. I never asked for on and certainly did not sign anything which could in any way suggest or imply that I want one.

Guess I was a bit stupid to expect everything to go smoothly.  When you are unlucky as I am, its not really going to be a one time thing. So its 9:30 they have probably only just got into work, but I am going to be looking at my phone every minute for the rest of the day. Main part of the day was  Lunch in the Tottenham court road area, with a very old family friend who I have known since I was born who work in the area. It was a really nice lunch, mainly because it was nice to hear of someone who seemed to have it together but being able to feel happy for a really old friend who deserved it.  Yes my days are a bit shit at the moment but it doesn’t mean I can’t be happy for her. The rest of the day until my 5pm bus was spent above ground hoping and praying for that phone call.

 It is 22:52 pm, and I have just made it home after  what should have been a 3 hour journey turned into 5 hours.
I am also coming back, having waited all day for a phone call that never came. Today was that day for  me, its difficult  to describe how emotionally draining it is to just want some closure to believe that it is coming and for that to never come through.

To know you  have something in your body which you  never wanted and could cause you  some really nasty side effects, doesn't really help you drift off at night. But I will have no idea about my results , will have no idea about why the fuck I have something I didn’t want in my body, until Monday.
Life is very good to me, so today I feel like in a weird I just got a little bit of what was coming to me. Karma haha.

So this morning rather than just sit and wait for the time to pass by, I was out and campaigning for the stay in campaign in Birmingham. This might sound like an odd thing to do considering the circumstances. But as more time pass, the simple fact is I am not going to die, or at least fingers crossed right, this is still going to be a world that I want to leave in. For me this vote is very a key dependent of what sort of a world I will be leaving after the vote.

But as I put in my last piece this experience very much is leaving in a world operating around you, with you stuck in limbo, but whilst I still have my health and whilst I still have my hair ;), going to continue to try and step back into that real world. 

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