This week has been a really hectic mix of seeing lecturers, getting paper work finished, getting in as many formals as a man can in a week, and trying to fit in be able to spend time to do things you can on the cheap like going to the cinema for nothing. But one of the things I am trying to do but failing is I am finding it Difficult to be able to have perspective on being able to take in for the final time being a student at this wonderful university of mine.
It is especially difficult because despite trying to approach this as my last week to some extent my time has already been and gone. A last week or a final week should be something you live to some extent normally. I don’t have that luxury, my house which I have come back to I am not living in, I am staying there bit of a difference. But as with most things your time comes before you feel like you are ready for it and I guess this is just one of those. I wouldn't be living my normal life trying to get in as many meet ups as this week.
Many of you know when you come to the end of something like school or college or university, ideally you want to be able to look back with your peers and talk about what we had. But the difficult thing about this is that I seeing my friends for the final time yet all I am talking about, is my current condition. Hopefully when graduation comes I will get my opportunities to say my final good byes to the academic staff who has helped me get through the last three years. Whilst I won't be able to do these good byes along with my class friends, this is my new reality so time to get used to it.
But any way back to the fun part of this week and the reason why I came back in the first place, apart from to see my gf again J end of year formals people.
The first formal was at a place called the Ulster Reform club, one of the strangest experiences of the past couple of weeks is being invited into “clubs” which the outside world is not aware of them being there. The other one being the Oxbridge club in London. Minus the whole cancer thing really living the high life.
There is a lot of people who because of my first term travels, I have not been able to reconnect with or in some cases try to bury/ resolve any previous difficulties that I might have had with them. When you get involved as I have with societies and you work with people closely things can get stressful and things take place and are said in the moment of trying to organise events and run the society which you regret looking back. By the way I am in no way not attaching myself to that statement because I did.
The second formal which was the Politics, International Studies and Philosophy school formal took place as it has for the passed three years in the great hall. It was fantastic for me to get to see so many people who in some way have become a part of my university experience, and do a kind of goodbyes.
After the drinks reception, the meal had gone very well the table we were on, had someone who I had not seen since getting off a grey hound in Philly one July night. Everything went well apart from a 20 minute period where we weren't sure, if the gf was going to have an anaphylactic shock. This was because she hadn’t realised before she eat it, that the chicken had ground walnuts on top. It was never going to go swimmingly was it.
As I stated above I really feel my final universities opportunities and the life experience, associated with that are being taken away from me, before my time. I would have preferred my last formals, not to be the last time I see so many people. That feeling will not go away because it is a fact, but how I choose to let that effect me of course is down to me.
But at the same time opportunities do arise. Whilst I have my health and before I am going into chemotherapy, I am currently working on getting a piece hopefully published for the Guardian student section. In addition to that I am have looked to get this blog out to male cancer charities and hopefully looking forward to taking up some kind of an ambassador role. Because as with many things in my life that I have had to deal with, if I can talk about then I should so others who can't for what ever reason don't have to.
The other issue is whilst being in Belfast and still trying to live in the moment, due to the complications that I have health wise I am still needing to stay on top and follow up with my specialist nurse. So on Wednesday morning I had one of the weirdest phone conversations I have ever had. Along with finding out my possible prosthetic might be a blood clot, was kind of put to the back of my head due to other things.
The other thing which I remembered from the conversation, was being told that as I was doing a sperm bank on Tuesday, I had to make sure I ejaculate on Saturday. I never thought I would hear those words over the phone. But as with many experience of the last couple of weeks, just another thing to tick of the life experiences list.